The Punnishment

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says: "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Methods to kill a Lion

Methods to kill a Lion

Newton 's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.. Implies you caught lion.


Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.


Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.


Sri Lanken Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .


OneShot Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.


Dushanth Weeraman method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.


George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and then bomb the Lion!!!


Mahela Jayawardena method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders.


Ranil Wickramasingha's method:

Ask the lion to wait till he becomes president. Lion may wait another 15 years and finally commit suicide.

Wise/Good/Cool Quotes I found

"Shall i pretend I'm interested or are you OK just rambling?"
(effective on shutting the person up and funny)

"Trying is the first step toward failure."
-Homer Simpson


"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."
-Name withheld


Accept the things you cannot change,
change the things you cannot accept.


"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts."


What's the key to success? Two words: good decisions.
What's the key to good decisions? One word: experience.
how do i get experience? Two words: bad decisions.


No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.


Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
- Dilbert


"Whoever said that nothing's impossible never tried to nail jello to a tree."
-Lisa Bryant


"The best part of 'believe' is the 'lie'."


"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."


"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. "

"We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them."

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

"Your medical assistance is cancelled beginning 9/24/84 because of your death."
- Iowa Department of Human Services


"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for HIS country." General George S. Patton


Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side effect. -Linus Torvalds

Those who do not read are no better than those who cannot.
Chinese proverb

Never EVER play leapfrog with a unicorn!


"Porn is the most accurate representation of what sex is not like, what your girlfriend won't do, and how you're not built."


Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them.
- Hugh Miller